Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bug_noelle's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
2:11 am	The moving from Pet ii shest Dimitar Grekov The moving from Pet ii shest Dimitar Grekov Think I'd like to go back home And take it easy There's a woman that I'd like to get to know Living there Everybody seems to wonder What it's like down here I gotta get away from this day-to-day running around, Everybody knows this is nowhere. Everybody, everybody knows Everybody knows. Every time I think about back home It's cool and breezy I wish that I could be there right now Just passing time. Everybody seems to wonder What it's like down here I gotta get away from this day-to-day running around, Everybody knows this is nowhere. Everybody, everybody knows Everybody knows. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
6:42 pm	In case I didn't tell you yet... This week has been the week of finalizing my life in Bulgaria- meaning I am leaving, and doing it- for good. I may perhaps come back, but not as a Peace Corps volunteer and not for work. My decision to ET ie Early Terminate ie leave early was something I thought long and hard about. I can't say one thing was the catalyst for me deciding this.. I just felt I did enough and I didn't have anything left inside me to give. I hit my brick wall. Sometimes volunteers do this, just feel so overwhelmed, overexerted, overextended and that doesn't make us bad people. That doesn't make us failures. We are just living in pretty extreme circumstances that constantly test every aspect of who we are. I regret nothing of my service and if I could I would perhaps do it again. I would just be older and straight. Hah! No really I would be a bit more settled and comfortable in my own skin. I am ready to go back home, at least home to America. So I will be in central NJ for a bit, but my next move is to Austin, Texas baby! That's right I pretty much have a place to live lined up for me and all I need is a job to boot! But I am not worried for if I was taught one thing about living here for 20 months- its that I come from the land of oppurtunity, the land where people can start all over again. As much we can say the US is conservative- spend a really long time as a woman in a developing country.. where you are expected to fill a mold and most of the females around you weight about 70lbs a piece. Where you see absolutely no blacks or hispanics on a daily basis, where people are outright racist... So...Its funny. I remember making such a big deal about this a really long time ago - "Oh my god, I am gonna change so much and its gonna be amazing...I can't wait to see what this is experience makes of me." Well now I see that I am just fine how I am...and I can deal with just about anything you put in my face. I can exist months and months at a time speaking mostly a foriegn language, I can decorate a scary communist blok apartment enough to make it a home, with being cold 75 percent of the time in the winter, with students who don't know the first thing about discpline, with being the only American in many social situations, with Turkish toilets, with a way of living I suspected in my childhood I would never endure. I can live with the fact that I don't have to if I don't want to. And that doesn't make me selfish. Just realistic. As I see I was going to leave this anyway, at least I know I am doing it on good terms. On my terms. For the last time, "Dovizhdane" But I always preferred Goodbye as it is... Current Mood: happy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
6:22 pm	But now I gotta make fun of myself. You Know You're from New Jersey When... ...you recognize or can relate to at least 10 of these: You've been seriously injured at Action Park. You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas. You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges." You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags." You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast. You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven. You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am. Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you. You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison. You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery. At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from. You know what a "jug handle" is. You know that a WaWa is a convenience store. You know that the state isn't all farmland. You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway." You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree. Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero." You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials. You know how to properly negotiate a Circle. You knew that the last question had to do with driving. You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation. You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?). You know how to translate this conversation: "Jeet yet?" "No, Jew?" You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City." You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich. You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege. In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high. You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny. You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22. You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different." You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters. The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar. You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls. You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town. You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers. Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony. You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is. You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall. You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries. You have a favorite Atlantic City casino. You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February. And finally... You've never pumped your own gas. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
1:56 pm	Ok so it won't be that bad.. I was getting a little stressed there because the beginning of the new school is quickly approaching and I STILL had no idea what my schedule would be and what levels I would be teaching. Now I finally know! Looks like I will be having my darling, Roma 2 levels of 5th grade I had last year. Now they are 6th graders, perhaps they've matured. Sure, they made me go through many bottle of aspiriin last year, but they know me and I know them and there is no time for fooling around here. I want to be taken more seriously this time around. But I also got the 5th I have been wanting since DAY ONE LAST YEAR!, now they are 6th graders as well and I am really excited about working with them. Most of them actually undersand pretty good English, and are serious students. Now its time for me to prove myself as an educator. Tonight, I start the lesson planning... Oh and I am alone and without a counterpart, it seems, unlike last year- which is scary. I hear the myth of a new teacher coming my way but I have yet to meet this mysterious teacher. Of course, I have been here so long (can you believe its been practically 16 months?) and I understand the- "Imam vreme" mentality. There is time. And there is two new colleagues I met today who are really funnny and desperately want to practice their English with me- and I told them, anytime they wanted to after school- we could go to a cafe, and their collective reactions were just pleasing.. So I had a fulfilling summer, spent lots of time at the seaside, had a bit of a romance and am feeling more relaxed. I am still in touch with the women from the camp and I have discovered that photos taken from the camp (including ones of me with body paint) will be on display at the Red House in Sofia in October, plus there will be a Gay and Lesbian film festival I planned getting involved with. So perhaps I can do this year, I mean come on- whats 10 mos compared to 16? Current Mood: chipper (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 24th, 2005
3:51 pm	my favorite song right now U2 Lyrics - Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around The World Six o'clock in the morning You're the last to hear the warning You've been trying to throw your arms Around the world You've been falling off the sidewalk Your lips move but you can't talk Tryin' to throw your arms around the world I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Be still I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Woman I will Sunrise like a nosebleed Your head hurts and you can't breathe You been tryin' to throw you arms around the world How far you gonna go Before you lose your way back home You've been trying to throw your arms Around the world I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Woman be still I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Woman I will Yeah, I dreamed that I saw Dali With a supermarket trolley He was trying to throw his arms around a girl He took an open top beetle Through the eye of a needle He was tryin' to throw his arms around the world I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Woman be still I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Oh, Woman I will (And you just gotta, you just gotta make your faith...see...) Nothin' much to say I guess Just the same as all the rest Been trying to throw your arms around the world And a woman needs a man Like a fish needs a bicycle When you're tryin' to throw your arms around the world I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you I'm gonna run to you, run to you, run to you Woman be still Woman be still Be still Woman be still Woman I will (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
2:21 pm	YAYAYAYA! ITS MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!! I FEEL LIKE A KID, AGAIN!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!!! okay capital letters are scary, but really I am just pleased and tickled silly. And I met the boss of the sports program in the municipality today too and she is so cool and seems likely to help me with future projects. Its sunny out. I have more time to reflect and I am going hiking in the mountains with friends/ colleagues this weekend which is something I have not done in too long. I am not wanting for too much more, just about now. Is it ok to be proud of yourself? Hiday Ciao. Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 12th, 2005
12:31 pm	"Gypsy Hippie Noelle" So yesterday was just one of those days where I was feeling kind of spacey, not at all with it because I didn't have crazy Saturday night plans like usual. I woke up, went for a long walk, ate a salami sandwich, drank some juice and went here which I am discovering is my happy place away from home because they always play Sting and Santana and for some reason that pleases me. I got some emails that reminded me of all the cute girls of world again -which makes me realize I am like those cats constantly in heat I hear wailing below my 8th floor apartment every night at 3am. Anyway after having a beer with some colleagues I decide I need to get away and take another walk so I can read some Anne Waldman.. little did I know at the island park in town that is normally peaceful there was some kind of town holiday that involved lots of serbian type of music, arabian dancing and two very large men wrestling in a circle...with a crowd surrounding them and all the time the arabian music going full blast..finally one of the men was triumphant and he had to go and sieze the bull and perhaps wrestle it as well? I really was just standing on the sidelines with my Romas friends that found me and was just like, "whats going on?" "where are there going now?" "whats the deal with the bull?" It was interesting, though. But alas, Wednesday is my last day of school for the year and I can say I did this, at least- for a year! Ciao :-) Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Friday, June 3rd, 2005
11:48 am	Ok, So I think I can post pictures from my parents adventure.. here,.. pictures from the family visit (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
1:57 pm	What is this nonsense that is me? I have a big bruise on my right knee which is serving for a source of personal comedy for me right now.... I had a leetle accident last night doing the simplest of tasks- laundry. Basically when the water gets flushed from my washing machine it washes out onto my bathroom room in order to go down the drain. Quite sanitary, huh? Well the little tube that is supposed to only be in bathroom was somehow pointed to my hallway. I somehow neglected to notice this as I was prance- dancing my way into the bedroom. All of the sudden I am in slip-slide mode down the hallway onto my bureau pretty much knees first, ass second, full body last. Multiple curse words later, I am bed ridden in perpetual pain for the rest of the evening. I will heal soon of course but the realization that I am hazard to myself will linger for some time. Ah taka. P.S. I have been seeing this girl, one from the not so distant past. I saw her one time with Shaina, then again Monday night at Valdi with the trainees (she was working.) She kept on coming up to me, whispering this sexy nonsense in my ear asking me embarassing things. I blushed tipsly and attempted containment of my posure. I wouldn't be at all bothered expect that last time she ignored me and pretended I wasn't even there. And today- I saw walking here and she stopped and stared at me and I at her for like 10 seconds that felt like longer. What is wrong with me? I am dating someone, she will be here soon. But I can't stop seeing this girl..Oh me. Current Mood: contemplative (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 13th, 2005
4:53 pm	My dances. Just came back from the Roma Foundation and had a great English class (does a happy I am feeling motivated dance!) We are waiting until August for the SPA (does a feeling relieved dance!) Shaina my best friend here is on her way and will be here in a half hour (does a yay for friends dance!) I get to see the girl I am sort of seeing next weeked for many days (does a yay for positive physical contact dance!) I am done with being down trodden with my life here, resigning myself to being happy. Its almost June, damnit, and summer is just inches away. You gotta rejoice! Ciao (Comment on this)
Monday, April 25th, 2005
3:38 pm	Do something! Ahhh... So I had this whole wonderful entry written out ions ago and it seems it never got posted, so I will post one now. It is now coming upon the last week of April, over a year since I have been here.. one trip home has been had and one visit from the family.. All in all I am left in a pretty good place. My kids have been behaving and have showed interest in studying more with me after school, I am moving forward with the writing the grant and getting baseball equipment which could be quite monumental since baseball still isn't such a known sport in Bulgaria and I am going to be a contributor of only 5 or so existing teams.. I am getting ready for the warmth of the summer and for interesting project ideas and I am left with more free time to travel. I have not mentioned it "officially" on my live journal but my Lucy is with a new family. I know.. I have been sad about this and it is a big change but she was getting entirely too big for my little apartment and I needed more time for my work responsibilities. I am rest assured that the new family she is with is taking care of her and she has more room to grow. So it is time to try and move on... They say after a year of doing this, though, you really start to get a hang about what you are doing and its true. The first year as a volunteer is trial of your psyche in every sense- whereas I know I can see it is might to work harder, make more contacts and try make a impact... So that is that for now..the new guys arrived today and I am hoping they enjoy their first week- I am looking forward to meeting them when them come out to the paz! Peace Current Mood: cheerful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
12:53 pm	I came back! :-D So I went to school Wednesday and my students cheered when I entered the room, that is pretty good- guess they are happy to see me :-) Everyone has so many questions about my times in the states and I really don't know what to say, what can you say? Its America- everyone is in a rush, so many cars, too expensive, portions are too big. Not so much like it here.. Haha, but yeah, a friend decided to play a "prank" on me though (I think I know who)- When I got back to my apartment my door was completely scotch taped shut, so when I tried to open it, I just struggled. Sooo funny, there I am, jet lagged with a big old bag that could carry small children back in my scary, grafitti-esque apartment block and I can't get inside my apartment. All I want to do is lie down and I am standing there cursing. I just cut the damn thing and laughed hard, called my friend and told her she needs a better sense of humor. But welcome back you know and its a good feeling, just hope the weather gets better. Weather.com confirms it does. Here we are now tho- tomorrow I head back to the capital wait for my parents and grandma and away we go for what looks like 10 very interestingly fun filled days in the land of crazy people. Dobri Doshla moeto comestvo! Let you know how it all goes :-) hiday ciao Current Mood: cheerful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 26th, 2005
11:19 pm	song for now Everybody's Changing You say you wander your own land But when I think about it I don't see how you can You're aching, you're breaking And I can see the pain in your eyes Says everybody's changing And I don't know why So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move just to stay in the game I try to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing And I don't feel the same You're gone from here And soon you will disappear Fading into beautiful light Cause everybody's changing And I don't feel right So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move just to stay in the game I try to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing And I don't feel the same So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move just to stay in the game I try to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing And I don't feel the same I leave tomorrow and I am stoked, yay :)) And yay for cute I haven't seen in a long time, peace dudies. Current Mood: anxious (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
5:32 pm	You Are the Very Gay Velma! She might not even realize it... But Velma is all about Daphne ... not Fred! What Gay Childhood Icon Are You? (Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
12:31 pm	Home Coming I leave for a mini pochivka (vacation) this Thursday which is really coming up close. Feels so weird- 11 months- and so damn much has happened that my mind is still wrapping itself around it all. It will feel nice, but I also think I might miss it here a little. HAHA! (Am I nuts?) But it is true.. how this country really gets inside you, ya know? I would like to see family again, though- family and old friends.. familiar faces, people who remind of who I am. Being home to remember why I came in the first place. Anyway, I am sure I will have many stories..to tell..and many italian hoagies to eat and root beer to drink. And then after 10 days I can come back and wait for my parents and grandma to get here. If you are reading and you don't know I am coming home- then call me this Friday and ask for me, ok? I am just hoping now that I get to too silly and start trying to talk to people in Bulgarska slang...not putting it past myself. Okay ciao..D'Scoro (See you soon) Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
6:10 pm	To make it through... I have just been thinking and I have definately have reasons to get me through the day here.. 1. Long walks with Lucy, well anything concerning Lucy- her licking my face to wake me up, barking when sketchy people come by the apartment, her scent, her faithfulness to me 2. Sunsine on afternoons when it is cold 3. The sound of my students voices, the sound they make when I walk into a room and it is becaue I know they are dying to see me 4. Sounds of home, CDs that remind me where I came from, espeically Norah Jones- just listening to her at the end of a tiring day 5. Hellos on the street, hellos from the people in town who appreciate me becuause I am here now and I won't be forever 6. Kamenitza toomno 7. My counterpart- who calls me to wish me good day and doesn't judge me when I am having hard days 8. The slowness of life, the cafe culture, the walking and sitting for the sake of it 9. Life is cheap is here, you can live well off of 3 dollars and go to sleep with a full belly 10. Knowing I came here with a purpose and I fulfill that purpose every day just by lasting it out (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 6th, 2004
8:43 pm	God its December? So I am just really in a funk right now. I don't know what it is because it really isn't that cold yet here and things on the surface are relatively smooth. I have my own place now with cable TV, a lovely dog, Bulgarian friends and random sight-seeing adventures- but like yeah I just can't get myself to really do something. I feel this pressure to have a grant written by now for my community in order to help it in someway, but also I feel like I am alone in this. I cannot get a meeting with my director because he is constantly in the garden they are building- for what reason I don't know, maybe it is for the holidays. Of course no one tells me anything. Maybe I just don't ask enough questions. One teacher is now on maternity leave and I was going to teach her students (I love her kids), but then they decide "no we will just keep on hiring new teachers- even though they tend to quit after a day." I cut my finger when I cutting salami and its icky. It is silly things like that getting to me. I am just like out of it, a little tainted by reality and wanting to just stay home and watch the Hallmark Channel or Cartoon Network. I guess I am hitting a roadblock in my optimism. You know it is hard to stay like that in a place where the first color people see in a picture is black. And when they look you they expect you to see like lavender or something. Sorry I am just a little negative, but I am taking off my super cape and I welcome the rain today. Ciao. Current Mood: groggy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
4:30 pm	Halloween Madness So what did everyone else do for Halloween? As for out here we had a huge party with like 70 people (lots of tourists too) at a big blue house in Veliko Turnovo and it was really a blast. Perhaps a bit overwhelming, but I can't get over how gorgeous that town is.. it is just extraordinarily Italian and has this bohemian downtown feel, but still historial and even has a castle. But the party itself was just a sucess- great food, beer, dancing and music. My costume? I was a contradiction of myself, wore my flamboyancy in my clothes, carried a book that said "tranvestite elvis" and drove people crazy by not talking and instead miming everything. I lasted for about three hours and then emerged like a mad woman let out of banishment. In my minute vow of silence, I really enjoyed messing (I think rather harmlessly) with this new volunteer Moriah by convincing her somewithout saying that she was a mouse (she was a lion) and just gesturing things to her. But alas she humored me because she is a really sweet girl who I am see myself becoming closer with. Other news is I was caused to miss work yesterday becuase the buses were not running to Plovdiv on Monday and then on Tuesday and I could not figure out the deal with the trains. Somehow I got stuck in Gabrovo with this guy from New Zealand for 5 hours just doing nothing but hanging out and didn't emerge home until 8 at night after being on 4 different trains. When I finally did get home I call my counterpart who was worried, my friend Iva with Lucy who was aslo worried ..and come to find out Lucy understood I was missing for an extra day and developed a really weird hyperactive personality disorder. That somehow ended this afternoon, who knows? Normally when I am with her she is really chill and will calm down when I do I think she knows I am mommy! YAY!..Now everything is fine- my director understood that traveling around sometimes is hard and they are just glad I am okay. Now I have to prepare my work for my groups In Service Training because my counterpart and I have to do a 45 minute session on working and coping with Romas and minorities. It is going to be interesting because I plan including my students' notebooks and storybooks I use for lessons. The weather is here is kind of dreadful and Edgar and Allan Poe-ish but its also suiting to reading more books and having down time before next week. But I will go because that is all I have to say for now. Be Well- hiday Ciao! Current Mood: full (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 4th, 2004
5:19 pm	kude e moit health? So I am pretty much sick right now for the first time since I have been here in 6 months and it isn't fun! I have been resisting it on and off since last week and still taught went running and played softball this weekend against the JapanCorps (also currently serving in Bulgaria)- and well the results are that we lost 6-4, I got one hit, made on decent play- introduced Lucy to lots of new people who LOVE her, made a new intellegent Bulgarian friend who works for the Japanese Embassy and speaks that language (thinking she might be a genius) and now I am sick, sick with the grip, grip (in Bulgarian it is the flu.) So I am not going to school, not teaching and not doing projects- just eating a sleeping and trying to take walks when I can. But this stinks! I want to work and feel productive and see Terri and play with Lucy (she is now barking softly, but still barking)... and just...well you know. I am to see Andrea, the doctor, tomorrow and she will let me know whats wrong with me. Hopefully I have no allergies to anything in my apartment especially my puppy and this goes away before the next weekend. Becuase for me its either flag football against the marines or an herbal bath in Vellingrad. Which one would you choose if you could. Hiday! Ciao (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
12:17 pm	Just a Rainy Sunday So enters October soon and my creative side is a having another semi-surge. I hope it is hear to stay even though my life right now is chaotic. My students don't really speak English at all which is no suprise. The biggest surprise is that they also don't have very good Bulgarian, but instead they prefer to communicate with me in Turkish.. I wouldn't mind if that was the language I was trained in for 3 months. So I am hitting a crossroads and wondering if hunting down a different language tutor will really help me in my communication problems. They are also really hyperactive and love to spend entire periods debating whether or not I wind find a husband here. Hah. That just makes me laugh. Hard. Therapy right now is writing psuedo stories and being able to see Terri, who now has a name. I felt trashy for my actions, but after a very lovely coffee date that resulted in reclarification or declarification (can't tell which) I am sensing that if anything I have a new friend. She is really beautiful, laid back and intriguing. Perhaps one night this week I cook us a special dinner. Also, Lucy is a amazing, she sleeps with me every night licks my face every morning and I have gotten her to walk behind me in our favorite park without a leash.. I hope you all know I am talking about my damn dog. But I love her, I do.. more than, well, most things right now. So one to another week of teaching and planning more side projects or orphanages. Obicham me moit zhivot. Hiday Ciao (1 Comment |Comment on this)